ßotan

Everything You Know Is Wrong


I was driving on the freeway in the fast lane
With a rabid wolverine in my underwear
When suddenly a guy behind me in the back seat
Popped right up and cupped his hands across my eyes

I guessed, "Is it Uncle Frank or Cousin Louie?"
"Is it Bob or Joe or Walter?"
"Could it be Bill or Jim or Ed or Bernie or Steve?"
I probably would have kept on guessing
But about that time we crashed into the truck

And as I'm laying bleeding there on the asphalt
Finally I recognize the face of my hibachi dealer
Who takes off his prosthetic lips and tells me

Everything you know is wrong
Black is white, up is down and short is long
And everything you thought was just so
Important doesn't matter

Everything you know is wrong
Just forget the words and sing along
All you need to understand is
Everything you know is wrong

I was walkin' to the kitchen for some Golden Grahams
When I accidentally stepped into an alternate dimension
And soon I was abducted by some aliens from space
Who kinda looked like Jamie Farr

They sucked out my internal organs
And they took some polaroids
And said I was a darn good sport
And as a way of saying thank you
They offered to transport me back to
Any point in history that I would care to go

And so I had them send me back to last Thursday night
So I could pay my phone bill on time
Just then the floating disembodied head of
Colonel Sanders started yelling

Everything you know is wrong
Black is white, up is down and short is long
And everything you thought was just so
Important doesn't matter

Everything you know is wrong
Just forget the words and sing along
All you need to understand is
Everything you know is wrong

I was just about to mail a letter to my evil twin
When I got a nasty papercut
And, well, to make a long story short
It got infected and I died

So now I'm up in heaven with St. Peter
By the pearly gates
And it's obvious he doesn't like
The Nehru jacket that I'm wearing
He tells me that they've got a dress code

Well, he lets me into heaven anyway
But I get the room next to the noisy ice machine
For all eternity
And every day he runs by screaming

Everything you know is wrong
Black is white, up is down and short is long
And everything you used to think was so important
Doesn't really matter anymore
Because the simple fact remains that

Everything you know is wrong
Just forget the words and sing along
All you need to understand is
Everything you know is wrong
Everything you know is wrong

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ßotan

Fat


Your butt is wide, well mine is too
Just watch your mouth or I'll sit on you
The word is out, better treat me right
'Cause I'm the king of cellulite
Ham on, ham on, ham on whole wheat, all right

My zippers bust, my buckles break
I'm too much man for you to take
The pavement cracks when I fall down
I've got more chins than Chinatown

Well, I've never used a phone booth
And I've never seen my toes
When I'm goin' to the movies
I take up seven rows

Because I'm fat, I'm fat, come on
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, come on you know
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
Don't you call me pudgy, portly or stout
Just now tell me once again who's fat

When I walk out to get my mail
It measures on the Richter scale
Down at the beach I'm a lucky man
I'm the only one who gets a tan
If I have one more pie a la mode
I'm gonna need my own zip code

When you're only having seconds
I'm having twenty-thirds
When I go to get my shoes shined
I gotta take their word

Because I'm fat, I'm fat, sha mone
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it you know
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
And my shadow weighs forty-two pounds
Lemme tell you once again who's fat

If you see me comin' your way
Better give me plenty space
If I tell you that I'm hungry
Then won't you feed my face

Because I'm fat, I'm fat, sha mone
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it, you know
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
Woo woo woo, when I sit around the house
I really sit around the house

You know I'm fat, I'm fat, come on
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it, you know it
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know, you know, you know, come on
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
And you know all by myself I'm a crowd
Lemme tell you once again

You know I'm huge, I'm fat, you know it
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, you know, hoo
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it, you know
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
And the whole world knows I'm fat and I'm proud
Just tell me once again who's fat

__________________

ßotan

Frank's 2000



Risin' above the city, blocking out the noonday sun
It dwarfs the mighty redwoods and it towers over everyone
I still remember when that delivery truck came down our block
What a lucky guy, I hear he got the last one in stock
And the neighbors are just green
They say, "That's the biggest screen we've ever seen!"

It's Frank's 2000" TV (Frank's 2000" TV)
Everbody come and see(Frank's 2000" TV)
Frank's 2000" TV (Frank's 2000" TV)

That's Frank's remote control, you can look, but don't touch it, please
'Cause Frank's the one in charge and he decides what everybody sees
The picture's crystal clear and everything is magnified
Robert DeNiro's mole has got to be ten feet wide
Everybody in the town
Can hear those 90,000 watts of Dolby sound
And I'm mighty proud to say
Now I can watch "The Simpsons" from thirty blocks away

On Frank's 2000" TV (Frank's 2000" TV)
Everybody come and see (Frank's 2000" TV)
Frank's 2000" TV (Frank's 2000" TV)
Everybody come and see (Frank's 2000" TV)

I'm gonna get one of my own real soon
It's like having a drive-in movie in your own living room
Whoa, hey now... hey now na na na now
Hey now... hey now na na now

Frank's 2000" TV (Frank's 2000" TV)
Everybody come and see (Frank's 2000" TV)
Frank's 2000" TV (Frank's 2000" TV)
Got a two year warranty on parts and labor
Frank's 2000" TV (Frank's 2000" TV)
Frank's 2000" TV

__________________

ßotan

Gandhi II


[Announcer:] Next week on U62...
[Announcer:] He's back
[Announcer:] And this time
[Announcer:] He's mad

[Announcer:] Gandhi II

[Announcer:] No more mister passive resistance
[Announcer:] He's out to kick some butt
[Announcer:] This is one bad mother you don't wanna mess with

[Gandhi :] Don't move, slimeball

[Announcer:] He's a one man recking crew
[Announcer:] But he also knows how to party

[Gandhi :] Gimme a steak, medium rare

[Gangster :] Hey, Baldy!

[Announcer:] There is only one law
[Announcer:] His law

[Announcer:] Gandhi II

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ßotan

Generic Blues


I woke up this morning
Then I went back to bed
Said I woke up this morning
Then I went right back to bed
Got a funny kind of feelin' like I got broken glass in my underwear
And a herd of wild pigs is trying to chew off my head
You know what I'm sayin
Well I ain't got not money
I'm just walkin' down the road
Said I ain't got no money, honey
So I'm just walking down this lonely old road
Well, I wish I could get me some money
But I forgot my automated teller code

I was born in a paper sack in the bottom of a sewer
I had to eat dirt clods for breakfast, my family was so poor
My daddy was a waitress, my mama sold bathroom tiles
My brothers and sisters all hated me 'cause I was an only child

I got the blues so bad, woo
Kinda wish I was dead
Maybe I'll blow my brains out mama
Or maybe I'll, yeah maybe I'll just go bowlin' instead

I'm just a no good, scum sucking, nose picking, boot licking, sniveling, groveling, worthless hunk of slime

Nothing but a low-down beer bellied, bone headed, pigeon toed, turkey necked, weasle faced, worthless hunk of slime

Guess I pretty low self image
Maybe it's a chemical imbalance or something -- I
I should probably go and see a doctor about it when I've got the time
Make it talk
Aw, make it talk, son, make it talk
OK, now make it shut up

Plagues and famine and pestilence always seem to get me down
I always feel so miserable whenever I'm around
I wish somebody would come along, stick a pitchfork through my brain
I'd flush myself right down the toilet, but I'd just clog up the drain

I got the blues so bad
Kinda wish I was dead
Maybe I'll blow my brains out mama
Or maybe I'll go bowling
Or I just might go bowling
Maybe I'll just rent some shoes and go bowling
Maybe I'll join a league, enter a tournament, put on a stupid looking
shirt and go bowling instead
Yeah

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