ßotan

Callin' In Sick


Hit my snooze alarm for the twenty seventh time
Just don't feel like goin' to work - I think I'll call my boss, then I'm
Gonna hack and cough and wheeze
Swear I got some strange disease
What's that little twerp gonna say
Hey

I'm callin' in sick today
Callin' in sick today

I could shine my pennies or clean my lava lamp
I could spend all day in my underwear wathing "Ernest Goes To Camp"
I could sit and count my hair
I could burp my Tupperware
I'm not busy anyway
Hey

I'm callin' in sick today
Callin' in sick today
Ain't goin' to work, no way
Callin' in sick today

I can do anything I want to
I am invincible now
I'm on fire, baby
I'm alive, I'm alive, can you hear me, world?
I'm alive

Maybe I'll spend all day staring at the sun
And trying not to squint
Maybe I'll make a huge color tapestry from
My belly button lint
When I'm sick of takin' abuse
I just make up some lame excuse
Freedom's just seven digits away
Hey

I'm callin' in sick today
Callin' in sick today
Ain't gonna work, no way
Callin' in sick today

__________________

| Üye İmzalarını Görmek İçin Buraya Tıklayarak Kayıt Olabilirsiniz. |

ßotan

Canadian Idiot


Don't wanna be a Canadian idiot
Don't wanna be some beer swillin' hockey nut
And do I look like some frostbitten hose-head?
I never learned my alphabet from A to Zed

They all live on donuts and moose meat
And they leave the house without packin' heat
Never even bring their guns to the mall
And you know what else is too funny?
Their stupid Monopoly money
Can't take 'em seriously at all

Well maple syrup and snow's what they export
They treat curling just like it's a real sport
They think their silly accent is so cute
Can't understand a thing they're talkin' aboot

Sure they got their national health care
Cheaper meds, low crime rates and clean air
Then again well they got Celine Dion
Eat their weight in Kraft macaroni
And dream of drivin' a Zamboni
All over Saskatchewan

Don't wanna be a Canadian idiot
Won't figure out their temperature in Celsius
See the map, they're hoverin' right over us
Tell you the truth, it makes me kinda nervous

Always hear the same kind of story
Break their nose and they'll just say "sorry"
Tell me what kind of freaks are that polite?
It's gotta mean they're all up to somethin'
So quick, before they see it comin'
Time for a pre-emptive strike!

__________________

ßotan

Cavity Search


Listen to the Muzak
Hearin' people scream
Sittin' in the waiting room
Readin' crappy magazines
With a toothache
This is it, pal
Root Canal

My molars are impacted
I'm gettin' gum disease
I'm gonna need some fillings
Got twelve cavities
Can you help me
Have mercy
Doctor, please

My teeth are a fright
Got a huge overbite
Numb me, drill me
Floss me, bill me

You jab at my nerve endings
It's driving me insane
Just give me nitrous oxide
Shoot me up with novocaine
Help me out here
'Cause I'm so severe
Pain

Please stop for a bit
Let me rinse and spit
Numb me, drill me
Floss me, bill me

You validate my parking
I think that I'm okay
But you make one more appointment for
A week from Saturday
'Cause you came upon
A problem on
My x-ray
Oy vey!

I'm getting absurd
Well, I hope I'm insured, now
Numb me, drill me
Floss me, bill me

__________________

ßotan

Close But No Cigar



Jillian was her name
She was sweeter than aspartame
Her kisses reconfigured my DNA
And after that I never was the same

And I loved her even more
Than Marlon Brando loved souffle
She was gorgeous, she was charming
Yeah, she was perfect in every way

Except she was always using the word "infer"
When she obviously meant "imply"
And I know some guys would put up with that kind of thing
But frankly, I can't imagine why

And I told her, I said
"Hey! Are we playing horseshoes, honey?
No, I don't think we are!
You're close! (Close!)
But no cigar!"

Then I met sweet young Janet
Prettiest thing on the planet
Had a body hotter than a habanjero
She had lips like a ripe pomegranate

And I was crazy like Manson about her
She got me all choked up like Momma Cass
She had a smile so incredibly radiant
You had to watch it through a piece of smoked glass

I thought after all these years of searching around
I'd found my soulmate finally
But one day I found OUT she actually owned a copy
Of Joe Dirt on DVD

Oh, no! I said
"Hey! Are we lobbing hand grenades, kiddo?
No I don't think we are!
You're close! (Close!)
Oh, so very close! (Close!)
Yeah, baby, you're close! (Close!)
So close!
But no cigar!"

(Oh, yeah!)
(Oh, no!)
(Oh, yeah!)
(Oh, no!)
(Oh, yeah!)
(Oh, no!)
(ALL RIGHT!)

[Hand claps, trumpet solo]

Julie played water polo
She wore a ribbon on her left manolo
She had me sweating like Nixon every time she was near
My heart was beating like a Buddy Rif solo

And she was everything I've dreamed of
She moved right up to #1 on my list
And did I mention she's a world famous billionare
Bikini supermodel astrophysicist

Yeah, she was so pretty she made Charlize Theron
Look like a big fat slobbering pig
The only caveat is one of her earlobes
Was just a little tiny bit too big

I said
"Hey! Are we doing government work here?
No I don't think we are!
You're close! (Close!)
So very, very close! (Close!)
Aaw, baby, you're close! (Close!)
So close!
But no cigar!"

Missed it by that much! (No cigar!)
Ah, yeah! Ah, right! (No cigar!)
Really, really, really close! (No cigar!)
But no cigar!

__________________

ßotan

Confessions Part III


Watch this

These are my confessions
Just when I thought I said all I could say I came up up with more secrets to tell you today
These are my confessions
Slip my mind the last two times
Silly me, so now I gotta give you part three of my confessions
First I told you about the skank that I was cheating with,then I mentioned she's having my kid
That's not all, now I recall more you see, so I'll give you part three of my confessions

Now this is gonna be the hardest thing I ever had to do,
Gonna tell you everything I left out of parts one and two
Like remember when I told you I knew Paulie Shore (Paulie Shore)
That's a lie, I don't know what I said that for
I borrowed your chapstick (from you)
I tried out your nose hair trimmer (too)
And by the way your diamond ring is cubic circonium,
I killed your goldfish accidently, just replaced it with another one

These are my confessions
Just when I thought I said all I could say I needed to get some things off my chest right away
These are my confessions
Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me, I guess I gotta give you part three of my confessions
I threw up on your dog last time I had too much to drink
There have been times when I've peed in your sink
Don't know why, but you and I should agree that belongs in part three of my confessions

Baby forgive me I'm still trying to figure out why I used your toothbrush to clean off the bathroom grought
Oh and sometimes in private, I really like to dress up as Shirley Temple and spank myself with a hockey stick (hockey stick)
My boss thinks I'm a jerk, I didn't get that raise.
I haven't changed my underwear in twenty-seven days!
And when I'm kissing you I fantasize you as a midget
I'm so sorry Debbi! I mean Bridget!

These are my confessions
Just when I thought I said all I could say I got a few more secrets I'd like to convey
These are my confessions
Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me, I guess I gotta give you part three of my confessions
Gave you buttered toast I dropped and then picked up off the floor
FYI it was not a cold sore
Ooops my bad, but you'll be madder at me when I finish part three of my confessions

You don't know how hard it is for me to tell you this, but remember that shirt that you got me for my birthday?
Well, I returned it for store credit. That thing was hideous, what were you thinking?
O and by the way, I wasn't really sick last week,
I just didn't wanna go to your stupid office picnic
Oh and when I told you at breakfast we were all out of rice krispies,
What I meant was that there was only enough left for me. Sorry.

These are my confessions
Just when I thought I said all I could say, I thought of some more things that should scare you away
These are my confessions
Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me, I guess I gotta give you part three of my confessions
Once I blew my nose and wiped it on your cat
And I lied, yes that dress makes you look fat
Anyway, I shouldn't say anymore 'til I give you part four of my confessions

__________________