ßotan

- Virus Alert -


Hey, everyone, listen up, your attention if you please
We wanna give you a warning
'Cause I found out this morning
About a dangerous, insidious computer virus
If you should get it, an email with the subject, 'stinky cheeseBetter off protecting your chances
Under no circumstances, should you open it
Or else it will

Translate your documents into Swahili
Make your TV record "Gigli"
Neuter your pets, and give you laundry static cling
Look out!
It's gonna make your computer screen freeze
Look out!
Erase the Easter eggs off your DVDs
Look out!
Erase your hard drive and your backups too
And the hard drive of anyone related to you

Virus alert!
Delete immediately before someone gets hurt!
Forward this message on to everybody

Soon, very soon, it will make all the paint peel off your walls
It'll make your keyboard all sticky
Give your poodle a hickey
And invest your cash in stock in Euro Disney
Then, it will tie up your phone, making prank long-distance calls
It'll set your clocks back an hour and start clogging the shower
So just trash it now, or else it will

Decide to give you a permanent wedgie,
Legally change your name to Reggie,
Even mess up the pH balance in your pool

Look out!
It's gonna melt your face right off your skull
Look out!
And make your iPod only play Jethro Tull
Look out!
And tell you knock-knock jokes while you're trying to sleep
Look out!
And make you physically attracted to sheep
Look out!
Steal your identity and your credit card
Look out!
Buy you a warehouse full of pink leotards
Look out!
Then cause a major rift in time and space
And leave a bunch of Twinkie wrappers all over the place
That's right it's a

Virus alert!
Delete immediately before someone gets hurt!
Forward this message on to everybody

Virus alert!
Delete immediately before someone gets hurt!
Forward this message on to everybody
Warn all your friends, send this to everybody
Tell everyone you know, tell everybody now

If you get infected, you'll wish you had never been born
So before it emails your grandmother all of your porn
Turn off your computer and make sure it powers down
Drop it in a forty-three-foot hole in the ground
Bury it completely; rocks and boulders should be fine
Then burn all the clothes you may have worn any time you were online!

Virus alert!
Delete immediately before someone gets hurt!
Forward this message on to everybody

Virus alert!
Delete immediately before someone gets hurt!
Forward this message on to everybody

Virus alert!
Delete immediately before someone gets hurt!
Forward this message on to everybody
Warn all your friends, send this to everybody
Tell everyone you know, tell everybody now
What are you waiting for?
Just hurry up and forward this to every single person that you know!
Hit send right now!

__________________

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ßotan

- Waffle King -

It took a lifetime, but I finally found
The perfect waffle recipe
You'll never find a batter any better in this whole stinkin' town
One little bite and I'm sure that you'll agree

Your eyes roll back and your knees get weak
Aw, you're gonna lick your plate clean
People come from miles around just to study my technique
I make the best darn waffles this world has ever seen

I'm the Waffle King (Waffle King)... yeah
Waffle King (Waffle King)
That's what they call me
Waffle King (Waffle King)
Hey, I'm the Waffle King

Everywhere I go, the people cheer
I never have to wait in line
People say, "Right this way, sir... Your money's no good here.Some day I betcha they'll build me a shrine

And everybody say, "Well, I'm your biggest fan!"
"I seen your picture in People Magazine!"
Folks come from around the world just to shake my hand
If you don't believe in the power of the waffle lemme show you just what I mean

I'm the Waffle King (Waffle King)
Make you want to scream and shout
Waffle King (Waffle King)
That's my name, don't wear it out
Waffle King (Waffle King)
Make no mistake about it I'm the Waffle King... yeah

Roll out the red carpet, 'cause here I come
All you peons better scram
Out of my way, you worthless piece of scum
Don't you know who I am?
Hey!

I wanna see you grovel, you waffle-eatin' fools
Everybody, on your knees
You wanna buy a waffle, you're playin' by my rules
Go on, beg me... lemme hear you say "pretty please"

Can't you tell the universe revolves around me?
Don't you know you suckers owe me everything?
And can't you see that I'm the highest form of life that there could ever be?
Everybody all around the world, stand up and sing
Come on know...

Waffle King
Hey, batter batter
Waffle King
Hot on your platter
Waffle King
Say, what's the matter
Don't you know who I am?
Don't you know who I am?
Tell 'em, girls
(He's the Wa Wa Wa Wa Wa Wa Waffle King)
Yeah yeah
(He's the Wa Wa Wa Wa Wa Wa Waffle King)
Tell the truth now
(He's the Wa Wa Wa Wa Wa Wa Waffle King)
Don't you know who I am?
Don't you know who I am?

__________________

ßotan

- Wanna B Ur Lovr -


I don't have a library card
But do you mind if I check you out?
I like your skeletal structure, baby
You're an ectomorph, no doubt

Your face is real symmetrical
And your nostils are so nice
I wish that I was cross-eyed, girl
So I could see you twice

Girl, you smell like Fritos
That's why I'm giving you this hungry stare
You're so hot, you're gonna melt
The elastic in my underwear

I'll bet you're magically delicious
Like a bowl of Lucky Charms
You'd look like Venus de Milo
If I just cut off your arms
What I'm tryin' to say is ...

I wanna be your lover, baby
I need somebody to love
You know I just wanna be your lover, baby
Now, I need somebody to love

Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo
Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo
Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo
Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo

Do you believe in love at first sight
Or should I walk by again?
My love for you'd like diarrhea
I just can't hold it in

Stop, drop and roll now
'Cause baby, you're on fire
I'll bet your outfit
Makes a lot of noise in the drier

You're absolutely perfect
Don't speak now, you might spoil it
Your eyes are even bluer
Than the water in my toilet

Say, has anyone ever told you
You've got Yugoslavian hands?
No, of course not, that would be stupid
Just forget I ever brought it up
The point I'm trying to make is ...

I wanna be your lover, baby
I need somebody to love
You know I just wanna be your lover, baby
Now, I need somebody to love

Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo
Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo
Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo
Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo

I wanna be your Krakatoa
Let my lava flow all over you
I wanna be your anaconda
And your heat-seeking missile too

I wanna be your beef burrito
Am I making this perfectly clear?
I wanna be your love torpedo
Are you picking up the subtle innuendo here?
Uh huh

I hope I'm not being forward
But do you mind if I chew on your butt?
You can tell me truthfully
Am I a steamin' hunk of love now, or what?

There just aren't enough o's in "smooth"
To desribe how smooth I am
Maybe you've seen my picture
It's in the dictionary under "Kablaam!"

My lips are registered weapons
Can I invade your personal space?
You must have fallen from heaven
That would explain how you messed up your face

Well, how'd you get through security?
'Cause, baby, you're the bomb
I'd like to take you home right now
So you can meet my mom
Because I ...

I wanna be your lover, baby
I need somebody to love
You know I just wanna be your lover, baby
Now, I need somebody to love

Girl, you must be Jamaican
Because Jamaican me crazy
Girl, you must be Jamaican (Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo)
Because Jamaican me crazy (Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo)

I wanna be your lover, baby (Girl, you must be Jamaican) (Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo)
I need somebody to love (Because Jamaican me crazy) (Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo)
You know I just wanna be your lover, baby (Girl, you must be Jamaican) (Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo)
Now, I need somebody to love (Because Jamaican me crazy) (Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo)

I wanna be your lover, baby (Girl, you must be Jamaican) (Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo)
I need somebody to love (Because Jamaican me crazy) (Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo)
You know I just wanna be your lover, baby (Girl, you must be Jamaican) (Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo)
Now, I need somebody to love (Because Jamaican me crazy) (Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo)

I wanna be your lover, baby (Girl, you must be Jamaican) (Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo)
I need somebody to love (Because Jamaican me crazy) (Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo)
You know I just wanna be your lover, baby (Girl, you must be Jamaican) (Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo)
Now, I need somebody to love (Because Jamaican me crazy) (Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo)

I wanna be your lover, baby (Girl, you must be Jamaican) (Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo)
I need somebody to love (Because Jamaican me crazy) (Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo)
You know I just wanna be your lover, baby (Girl, you must be Jamaican) (Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo)
Now, I need somebody to love (Because Jamaican me crazy) (Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo)

__________________

ßotan

- Weasel Stomping Day -


Faces filled with joy and cheer
What a magical time of year
Howdy Ho! It's Weasel Stomping Day

Put your Viking helmet on
Spread that mayonaisse on the lawn
Don't you know it's Weasel Stomping Day

All the little girls and boys
Love that wonderful crunching noise
You'll know what this day's about
When you stomp a weasel's guts right out

So, come along and have a laugh
Snap their weasely spines in half
Grap your boots and stomp your cares away
Hip hip hooray, it's Weasel Stomping Day

[Sounds of weasels getting stomped on, with bone-crunching and rodent-screeching effects]

People love them down the street
Crushing weasels beneath their feet
Why we do it, who can say?
But it's such a festive holiday

So let the stomping fun begin
Bash their weasely skulls right in
It's tradition, that makes it okay

Hey everyone, it's Weasel Stomping
We'll have some fun on Weasel Stomping
Put down your gun, it's Weasel Stomping Day
Hip Hip Hooray, it's Weasel Stomping Day

Weasel Stomping Day

__________________

ßotan

- When I Was Your Age -


Let me tell you sonny... let me tell you straight
You kids today ain't never had it tough
Always had everything handed to you on a silver plate
You lazy brats think nothing's good enough

Well, nobody ever drove me to school when it was ninety degrees below
We had to walk buck naked through forty miles of snow
Worked in the coal mines twenty two hours a day for just half a cent
Had to sell me internal organs just to pay the rent

When I was your age. When I was your age
When I was your age. When I was your age

Let me tell you something, you whiny little snot
There's something wrong with all you kids today
You just don't appreciate all the things you've got
We were hungry, broken and miserable and we liked it fine that way

There were seventy three of us living in a cardboard box
All I got for Christmas was a lousy bag of rocks
Every night for dinner, we had a big 'ol chunk of dirt
If we were really good, we didn't get dessert

When I was your age. When I was your age
When I was your age. When I was your age

Didn't have no telephone, didn't have no FAX machine
All we had was a couple cans and a crummy piece of string
Didn't have no swimming pool when I was just a lad
Our neighbor's mseptic tank was the closest thing we had
Didn't have no dental floss, had to use old rusty nails
Didn't have Nintendo, we just poured salt on snails
Didn't have no water bed, had to sleep on broken glass
Didn't have no lawnmower, we used our teeth to cut the grass

What's the matter now, sonny, you say you don't believe this junk?
You think my story's wearin' kinda thin?
I tell you one thing, I never was such a disrespectful punk
Back in my time, we had a thing called discipline

Dad would whoop us every night till a quarter after twelve
Then he'd get too tired and he'd make us whoop ourselves
Then he'd chop me into pieces and play frisbee with my brain
And let me tell ya, Junior, you never heard me complain

When I was your age. When I was your age
When I was your age. When I was your age

__________________